: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
