when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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