Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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