Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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