Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
