I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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