if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
only you would photoshop your dick
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
