so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
