I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
