I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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