I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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