Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
