She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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