Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
