The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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