I wish my penis had an off switch
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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