I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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