College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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