Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
