So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
