i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
