I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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