Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
