Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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