hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
