You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
