I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
