I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this just has baby written all over it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
