you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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