I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
