you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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