Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There r osticjed everywhere
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
