I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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