do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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