everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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