Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
