i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
