There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
