oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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