Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
