I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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