So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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