I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
