kristin has been a bad kristin
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
