If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
