dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
