Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
