Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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