He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
