We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
