You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
