i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
