your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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