Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
