he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
