Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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