Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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